Sunday, September 17, 2006

all part of letting go

i've noticed myself lately struggling with my children's milestones. the first few weeks of kindergarten i missed the updates i would get every few days from the preschool teachers. since it was a full time program one of the two teachers was usually still at school when i picked them up and i could hear about how their day was, what triumphs and tribulations they experienced. like when my daughter snuck valentine's candy during nap time for months before the teachers noticed because her mat was near where the candy was stored and she had stopped taking naps and was laying down quietly. during that time we would wonder why she wouldn't eat her dinner, since the teachers told us she'd always ask for seconds and sometimes thirds at lunch! now they go directly from kindergarten to afternoon daycare and by the time we pick them up the teachers have left. i've begun and hope to continue to build a strong relationship/partnership with each of their teachers (they're in separate classrooms but spend recess and lunch together) but it's the day to day activities that i find myself missing. and i've begun to feel the pull of having to let go a little. when my son tells me the teacher told him he couldn't eat the jellybeans i packed for his snack he sees it as black and white... no candy in school. i feel the need for further explanation. (let me also add here that we do monitor the sugar our kids eat, the jellybeans were a gift that i thought would be a nice surprise for snacktime) the teacher explained that she told him sugar snacks were not a good idea for morning snack, after which the kids go back and work on lessons. she wants to avoid the sugar crash during lessons. so i told him he could eat them after lunch and the next day they were gone when he brought home his backpack!
i also see the need to let go slightly when they're with some of the neighborhood kids that have started to befriend them. these kids are a couple of years older so we've had to establish some guidelines and rules. today i told them not to just invite friends over without first asking permission from papa or daddy and to also ask permission to go over a friend's house. though they're only 5, i can see in the years to come the balancing act of letting go and wanting to know where they're at and what they're doing and with whom. some of the minute points of parenting that i never considered.
today a 7 year old friend was over from across the street playing with the kids in our family room. when i walked in the 3 of them were playing on my elliptical trainer, something my kids know is not a toy. i had told the neighbor the last time he was over doing the same thing that it wasn't a toy. so i had to be what felt like the "mean neighborhood dad" and tell him "i told you before that's not a toy." later, the shock of who i've become at 46 brought me back to when i was at my best friend's house in 4th grade and for some reason had the urge to look through his dad's playboy magazines, which i have to add he left right on the coffee table in plain sight. when i got caught i was banished from his home! looking back, who was more to blame, the 9 year old for his curiosity or the 30 something for displaying his girlie mags in the living room? and more importantly... how do i not become him.

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