bonding leave

my bonding leave began at the beginning of july, 2004 and lasted 7 weeks. i could have taken 12 weeks but needed to be back for a project. luckily, i was paid 50% salary, a practice that had just begun that year. my partner took 3 weeks vacation after my leave so the kids had 10 weeks of transition to their new home and parents. it was the most fun and work i’d ever done... spending the day with twins on the verge of turning 3. it was summer so we spent lots of time outdoors. we received a small wading pool for a gift. they loved it. i lost 13 pounds just from pushing the stroller for an hour a day for seven weeks! we roamed around the nearby neighborhoods. i taught them their colors by finding them on our walks, we saw birds and dogs and cats and babies and flowers and buses. i let then feel pinecones and leaves and flowers. i wanted them to sense everything. my first trip to a nearby park was scary. i had to keep my eyes on the two of them and in order for me to keep them playing together i had to join them on the play equipment, so i had fun too. i helped them climb and overcome fears and praised them when they made their way independent of me. they were hesitant to venture. we weren’t sure if it was their age or their background, probably some of both. during the transition we took them to a kid’s play park and they weren’t interested in any of the small rides or even the toddler swings.

each afternoon they’d take a nap, they were always so good about sleeping. even now that they’re 4 and a half they stay in bed in the morning until we come in, even though they're awake. we’ve tried to teach them to get up at night if they have to go potty but so far our daughter is such a sound sleeper that she sometimes just wets the bed. and our son’s potty training has been slow (more later) so he sleeps at night with training pants on. during their naptime i’d catch up on my stuff, or their stuff… we had to find a preschool for september and a pediatrician. i also spoke to one of the dads of the kid’s next oldest brother, whose family was the first long-term placement for the twins. he had lots of great advice about discipline methods, time outs, the state foster care system, similarities between the kids. for instance, our son would rock himself to sleep, bumping his head on the crib, so we put a bumper on the crib for him. their older brother still did the same thing at age 4. i did some research and found that babies will rock to comfort themselves but the behavior usually stops by age 2. our son was almost 3. he has since outgrown it completely.

also during this time we had monthly visits from the kid’s social worker and a visit from the court appointed lawyer for the case. our visits with each always went smoothly but still made us slightly nervous. the lawyer had to check to ensure that we had enough milk in the fridge, among other things. she needed to know that the kids were eating properly. there was also a death in the family during those first few weeks so many of my relatives flew out from the east coast. they got their first chance to meet the kids… and they brought presents and shared some outgrown clothing with us. the kids were so wired from all the excitement that it took much longer to get them to go to sleep that night. one of my nieces has 3 boys so she and our son grew quickly attached. we’ve since learned that he has that effect on the ladies and he uses it to his advantage… until he learns, as with his teachers, that it doesn’t work for him.

all in all, bonding leave was such a great time for me and totally overwhelming as well… learning to juggle a family in 7 weeks. as it drew to a close we celebrated the twin’s 3^rd birthday with a big bash. I went back to work only half there, with my mind wondering what they were doing each hour of the day with daddy. which is a good time to point out that my partner and I decided somewhere through the initial transition period that he would be daddy and i’d be papa.