how it began

in late 2003 we began to talk seriously about having a family. we knew we weren't getting any younger. we both were also fortunate to spend time with my nephew's new baby daughter. we had both grown up caring for our siblings' kids and became resigned to (and saddened by) the fact that we probably would never have the family we longed for. being gay in the late 20th century seemed to present more obstacles than avenues to starting a family. it wasn't until friends on the east coast adopted 4 sons, the first from cambodia, the last 3 from state foster care, that we seriously began to think that we too could realize our dream of raising a family. we researched various methods, international adoption, surrogate birth, open adoption, foster to adopt. we didn't want to hide the fact that we're two gay men and knew that some international adoptions might only allow one of us to legally adopt, then the other would have to adopt back in the states. we found out that in california, where we lived, we could both legally adopt through the state foster care system as a couple. it turned out to be the best fit for us.